Guilt Trip
by Darkness Rising
Summary: The guilt of Edward Elric's failure has built up over the years. He stop stop the voices, no matter what he does. But a certain Sin may be willing to help. [Sucky summary, I know. EnvyEd yaoi.]
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is just a drabble I wrote while bored. I adore constructive criticism, because it helps make me a better writer. And this is your final warning as well. This story contains yaoi, meaning guy on guy. The action isn't in explicit detail, but it's still there. So do not read, then flame me because you're offended by this material. For everyone else…please read and send some feedback!

Title: Guilt Trip

Rating: R

Summary: The guilt of Edward Elric's past just keeps building up as he goes along. Who can make the voices stop? Envy/Ed yaoi content. You have been warned.

Word Count: 667

The bed rocked loudly against the otherwise silent cover of night. Breathy moans filled the air, but he could no longer tell who they were coming from. Sun kissed blonde hair, free of the red band spilled over naked, sweaty skin as their movements increased. It had started out simple enough, Edward mused. He had been fighting against the voices, the guilt. As always, they reminded him about his mother. How he wasn't strong enough to bring her back. How his failure had desecrated Al's body, and taken from his own body as well. Teasing him, taunting him. Would they never leave him alone?

He'd gotten very little sleep, once the voices had started. Insomnia became a habitual routine, one that Ed was getting too accustomed to. Laying awake at night, thoughts racing through his mind so quickly that he no longer knew what went on. If Al were to awake and see…He would cringe at the thought. He couldn't cause worry for Aru. He just couldn't bare the thought. Some nights, he would look upon his brother in that overly large hunk of metal and feel that same stab of guilt. Alphonse wanted to feel again, he wanted to be human. Whose fault was it that Al could not have the thing he wanted most of all? Edward's. He'd never forget, and never stop grieving for his brother's losses as well as his own.

The voices were driving him to the brink. Edward needed a way to make them stop…to stop the pain, stop the guilt. Hurting himself seemed to work, but he'd often get lost in the flow of blood that would leave him weak and others questioning. His brother had found him once, lying on bed with a slits across his wrists. The pool of blood had stained his sheets, gotten mixed up in his hair and covered pale skin. Mustang had asked him things…questions that Edward didn't want to answer. He had left the hospital just hours later, wanting to away from people.

Soon, Ed learned that cutting himself was too dangerous. Too risky. That's when _he_ appeared. They had argued, as usual, but it somehow turned into something much worse. The green-haired sin had him pinned to the ground, and when Edward hadn't fought back… It was unusual for the Alchemist. He'd always struggled, always had an insult to throw right back at Envy. The Sin did not like this change at all. When a blow had been delivered, Edward didn't even react. His eyes, normally so filled with light, were darkened. The boy's soul was dying, because his life didn't seem to mean anything. Everything was dim, and fading slowly. So a proposition had been made. Edward wanted the voices to go away, and Envy wanted the Fullmetal Shorty to stop with his pathetic whining.

Edward didn't know it would lead to him being in Envy's bed. There was nothing loving in this act at all. But the point was…Envy made it stop. And after months of insomnia, he could sleep again. But those voices would always come back. It was a never-ending cycle, and they kept it a secret. No one knew. It was kept tucked away, hidden from the eyes of others. By day, they fought and everything was normal. No one questioned, no one wondered if something else was happening. So at night, Envy tied the Alchemist to his bed and they fucked. What else could you call it? There no emotion to this at all. Just a hollow act, like Edward's heart and soul.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: After one of my friends asked me to continue…I thought about it, and decided to write something in Alphonse's point of view. I guess I like ficlets or something. xD Anyway, this chapter is sorta toned down from the first, because Al really doesn't understand what's going on. And as always, please review? Brief one sided Roy/Ed, you might catch it. And this one is shorter than the first…

Title: Guilt Trip

Brother is sneaking out again. Although he tries to be quiet, hoping never to be caught, I lay awake listening to the soft clinking of metal as he pads out of his bed to pull on his boots. I don't really need to sleep…after all, this metal body just houses a soul. I do not eat, do not drink…do not feel. I can be sad, yet tears will never come to these eyes. I dare not whisper the words that I want to say, so instead,Edward leaves, thinking I'll never be any wiser.

I've seen his arms. Still, I don't understand why he does it. Hasn't Brother bled enough? Suffered enough? We both have…A quiet whimper breaks the otherwise silent night, and though there is no warmth from this armor, I curl into myself and wish that everything had been a nightmare. Everyone's questioned him time and time again, and I've seen Colonel Mustang. He's worried, but…it's strange, how he touches Ed, while Brother lies on the hospital bed, unconscious and the Colonel doesn't realize I'm there. He whispers softly, so inaudible I don't hear a word, and strokes my brother's hair.

I believe brother's stopped hurting himself, after he was released from the hospital. I was the one who took him, the one who found him. He was losing a lot of blood, and I worried that I might lose my older brother. He's the only thing I have left…and we promised each other to be there. Promised that we would help each other restore our bodies, no matter what it took. But now…he's taken to the habit of sneaking out, every night. I don't think he's able to sleep…and I wish I knew how to help him.

Brother is silent a lot of the time. He comes home in the early hours of the morning, when dawn has yet to peek over the horizon, climbs into bed…and I hear his breath even out. When I'm sure he's asleep, I turn on my side, and I take in his now peaceful form. He seemed to have not cared about clothing, and just slipped into bed. His hair is in tangles, free from the braid he normally wears. His appearance, ruffled…and there's bruises on his neck. Has brother been fighting again? With whom? Not too long ago, I saw Ed limping…

I crawl back into my own bed, sighing quietly to myself. I can't help but feel slightly betrayed by Ed's actions lately. He's…pushing me away, when all I want to do is help him, be there for him. Brother, why won't you talk to me?


End file.
